We’ve all been there—hurt, betrayed, or let down by someone we trusted. The pain can feel like a heavy weight, dragging us down and coloring every aspect of our lives.
Forgiveness is often portrayed as a noble, easy-to-attain virtue. In reality, forgiveness can be one of the hardest things we are called to do as Christians. It’s a gritty, soul-stretching process that demands honesty, vulnerability, and sometimes, profound pain.
Jesus’ teaching on forgiveness doesn’t sugarcoat the difficulty, but He does show us that it is a path worth taking.
Forgiveness is often misunderstood. We think that if we forgive someone, we are excusing their behavior or acting as if nothing happened. But true forgiveness doesn’t minimize the pain or say that what happened was acceptable.
True forgiveness is like opening the windows in a stuffy room. It lets fresh air in, clearing out the toxic fumes of bitterness and resentment that keep us imprisoned in the past.
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. Matthew 18:21-22
The Weight of Forgiveness
When we speak about forgiveness in the Christian context, it’s essential to acknowledge the cost. Forgiveness is not about brushing aside the offense, pretending everything is okay, or sweeping pain under the rug. True forgiveness confronts the reality of hurt head-on. It names the wrongdoing for what it is, calls it unjust, and yet chooses not to hold it against the offender (Luke 17:3-4).
This is no easy task. It requires releasing our legitimate anger and desire for revenge, which is why Jesus likened forgiveness to carrying a cross (Matthew 16:24).
Forgiveness, then, is not weakness; it’s strength. It’s an act of radical faith in God’s justice, trusting Him to right the wrongs. As Henry Cloud puts it, forgiveness deals with the past, but boundaries deal with the future.
The Role of Boundaries
Jesus set boundaries during His earthly ministry, and so should we. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you allow them to continue to hurt you. It’s not about excusing harmful behavior or eliminating consequences. Forgiveness without boundaries can lead to further harm, enabling toxic patterns.
However, with the right boundaries in place, forgiveness becomes an act of love—both for ourselves and for the offender. It is a way of saying, “I release you, and I choose to move forward, but I will not allow myself to be hurt in the same way again.”
Forgiving Is Not Reconciliation
Because of Jesus’ work on our behalf, his forgiveness covers our sin and restores us to relationship with God. But in our earthly relationships, forgiveness doesn’t erase the hurts we face.
Reconciliation is a separate process that requires repentance, accountability, and often time. It’s okay if some relationships aren’t reconciled as long as our hearts are freed from bitterness.
The Healing Power of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is primarily for the one doing the forgiving. By choosing to forgive, we free ourselves from the poison of bitterness, resentment, and anger.
Forgiveness is a way of turning the page on the past and beginning a new chapter with God. It reflects the grace we have received in Christ. Jesus’ instruction to Matthew to forgive “seventy times seven”, illustrates that forgiveness is a continuous, liberating process in our lives that leads to peace.
Put It Into Practice
Forgiveness is not easy, and it is not for the faint of heart. It is a brave choice to trust God with our pain. Here are a few steps that can be helpful:
Acknowledge the pain. Don’t brush it under the rug. Sit with it, feel it, bring it to God.
Choose to forgive. It’s a decision, not a feeling. You might need to make this choice daily.
Pray for the person who hurt you. This one’s tough, but it can soften your heart in miraculous ways.
Trust God with the outcome. Imagine handing over the “IOU” to God. He can handle it better than we can.
By walking in forgiveness, you’ll begin to experience the emotional and spiritual healing that only God can provide.
Alongside you on the journey!
